Once again, the itchy subject of Pro-Dommes and money raises its guilty, sex-ashamed head on a forum, this time on the forum where I’m myself a moderator, PDUK. The question was: yes Mistress, we all know you looooove our work, but what if one in a lifetime, you found yourself between a rock and hard place and have to accept one session, just one, for money rhather than compatibility? Say, you have had a slow week?
Some subs really fear that we may do something less than goddessly every now and then that wipes us off our golden pedestal. That we may actually need the money, like lesser mortals. Some subs are always putting us to the test, between a rock and a hard place, to see if we are are “authentic” as we apparently claim to be. But God forbid if we say that some subs may only want to see us to have a fancy wank, not out of pure, undiluted worship of The Female!
Anyway, I’m digressing. This was the sub’s “between a rock & a hard place” type of question:
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To take my (I accept mostly hypothetical) scenario a bit further. If it got to the point where you had to make a choice between continuing with your current regulars plus a few that you would prefer not to be sessioning with and giving it up completely what would you do?
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… and here is my reply (actually, 2 of them):
That’s a hypothetical question and therefore, impossible to answer truthfully, unless we were faced with the dilemma in real life. But I’ll make an informed guess, based on my experience.”The worng subs” are labelled that because they are generally men who don’t like women, they hate their kink and feel shame, they are selfish and they see us as service providers. This is just a handful of classic reasons, off the top of my head, There are more. These people undermine our dignity. They make us feel like whores, in the negative sense of the word. We are their whores, a special, lesser type of woman. No death before dishonor here, more like the dole before mental illness.
“a few that you would prefer not to be sessioning with”, are subs we’d prefer not to see for very good reasons. I don’t think any of us here are fickle little madams who say No with the only purpose of showing how Dommely we are.
Unless you were a Mistress yourself, coolsub, you can’t imagine how hard it is to see the wrong people. It depletes your energy, it depresses you, it turns a great thing, BDSM, into a job. No, worse than that: a demeaning job. And one that still demands a lot of closeness and energy. We aren’t separated from our clients by a shop desk. We enter their heads, sometimes their body, very intimately. The exchange, as you know, is very intimate. To do that day in and day out with half a clientele you’d rather not see, would be horrible. I’d probably give up, despite my lovely regulars, because I’m sure I’d burn out.
Second reply:
Some subs wonder about the “purity” of our motivations all the time. They fear that we might give the mundane question of money over vocation a thought. So they probe us to make sure that we remain in high ivory towers, that we never need to step down from to go to Tesco.
But the reality is that we aren’t mythical Vestal Priestesses of kink, untouched by any reality other than our fickle dominant wills. We are real, self-employed women in a very tough and often, unforgiving and judgemental scene. Judgement comes from fellow Mistress and from our clients too. We aren’t saints, we try to conduct our business in the best possible way. That may include compromising at times. It’s only when one does more compromising than pleasure, that I’d question the validity of the model.
We have survived because we are realistic and pragmatic, and crated a balance that keeps us ticking. Does that make us impure? I suspect that this fear comes from some clients’ own sense of sexual guilt, they’d hate to discover that they are sessioning with a money-oriented Jezabel. That’s why some want to believe that we are untouched by the grit of the world, hardly “real” women, but spiritual entities. I’m definitely not one of those, I’m complex and contradictory. So what? Sorry to disappoint.